My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
