They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Boobs speak an international language.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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