Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
