the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
