Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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