Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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