My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
