Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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