I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
