only if we run a train.
done.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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