That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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