if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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