I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
