Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
