To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
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Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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