And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
