either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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