Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
