i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
