i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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