you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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