It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
