Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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