my phone needs a breathalizer
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
BRING THE BAGELS
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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