butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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