We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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