summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
