I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
