Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
