i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
