somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
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I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
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So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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