We're like a lot better than the average bears
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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