I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
