i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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