I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
