Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
