apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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