He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
