Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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