I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
