His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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