I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
