You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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