just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
