Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
