I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
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