Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
