I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
