My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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