my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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