so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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