i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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