Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
