Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
