yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
