Where is the hickey?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
