i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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