I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
