Umm I'm too high to move.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
