Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
