I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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