Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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