I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
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I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
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Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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