Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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