apparently the secret to your success is patron
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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