Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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