did you get engaged???
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
