Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
