I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
