im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize