if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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