I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dignity is for republicans.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
