based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
