OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
