ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
