capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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